I gave up on everyone. Yes, Everyone. There was once a time where I was always concerned about everyone’s well-being. The people closest to me meant everything to me. If I noticed that something was off or if someone needed help, I would go all out for them. It would be almost to the point where I was sick because I was so worried for them. And it had gotten to a point where it literally consumed me. And by my marriage being so toxic, it didn’t help that I was losing the inner essence of who I was.
By the time I filed for divorce, I was a messy heap of who I once was. Mentally, I was buried under ashes and rubble. But there was one faint spark that I was able to hold on to and God used that tiny spark and turn it into a huge explosion. Over time, I was able to rise and become a better version of myself. As I continue my journey of healing and reconnecting with myself, here are a few things that I have been learning along the way.
1. I have to take care of myself
I know this may seem obvious to some. But others don’t realize it until the damage is done. Some of us, like myself, get so caught up in taking care of others that we tend to neglect ourselves. By the time I realized what was happening to me, I was completely broken down mentally. Then I realized that my children were watching me. They, along with my relationship with God, gave me the strength to rise from the ashes. I learned that it was ok to focus on myself and indulge in self-care.
2. I am not responsible for others’ happiness
Everyone has to account for their own happiness. It can be a sibling, significant other, parent, or stranger on the street. I learned not to let how other people feel determine what my mood was going to be. It was once a bad habit and did me in. If people feel a certain way about certain situations, I let them be.
3. I have to be sound in who I am
Who am I? What do I like? What things do I enjoy? What’s my personality like? There are so many questions related to figuring out who I am. As I continue my journey in life, I’m getting to know myself over again. And I’m loving who I am becoming. I’ve learned that I can’t go searching for others’ approval or worry about how others feel. I have to be happy with who I am. Now that I’m sound in the person that God created me to be, I know He will bless me abundantly. Everything that I need will come to me in time. It takes a lot of faith, patience, and self-love. But the journey is so worth it.
So it may seem like the rubble is to heavy, but remember this: God is with you. He is with you during your storm! Hold on your faith because He will pull you out!
Remember to always pray and keep pushing!